I was recently reminded of a story from author Jack Canfield. Two salespeople were doing exactly the same job, with the same skills, selling the same product. Yet one earned significantly more than the other.
Curious, the lower-paid salesperson asked, “How do you manage to earn so much more per item than I do?”
The simple answer?
“Because I ask.”
It sounds so simple, but sometimes the best lessons are.
I mentioned it to a friend who, for years, had been casually helping a company for little more than a token payment. What started out as doing a mate a favour had gradually become an expectation. The work had grown, the responsibility had grown, but his pay hadn’t.
I asked him whether he’d ever spoken to his boss about it.
“No,” he admitted. “I don’t want to look greedy.”
Eventually, after a bit of encouragement, he did ask.
The answer?
“Yes.”
What struck me immediately was how quickly his pay rise was agreed. My guess is they knew they’d been taking him for granted and that he deserved more money. Or perhaps, more generously, they’d all become comfortable with the arrangement because my friend had never challenged it.
And honestly, that’s on him. We can’t expect people to know what we want if we don’t communicate it.
I wonder how many people quietly settle for less than they want, not because they aren’t capable of more, but because they’re afraid of asking.
Afraid of asking for a pay rise because we don’t want to appear grabbing.
Afraid to apply for the job we’d really love because we’re worried we won’t get it.
Afraid to ask someone out because they might say no.
Afraid to ask our partner or children for more help around the house because we can’t face another argument.
Afraid to ask for support when we’re struggling because we think we should cope on our own.
And slowly, over time, those unasked questions fade as we settle into the mundane.
How many people feel unfulfilled not because life has denied them opportunities, but because fear has stopped them from reaching for what they truly want?
The fear of rejection is incredibly powerful. Yet rejection isn’t the opposite of success; it’s often part of the journey towards it. Every meaningful life contains moments of hearing “no” and finding the resilience to bounce back. The people who eventually achieve the things they dream about have usually heard plenty of “no’s” along the way. The difference is that they asked and kept going until they got a yes!
Wellbeing isn’t just about eating healthily, exercising or getting enough sleep. It’s about living on your terms and giving yourself permission to pursue the future you genuinely want, rather than one that feels safest.
Many of us have dreams we’ve never pursued travelling, starting a business, climbing the career ladder, meeting new people, expanding our horizons to create a life we’re excited by
We’ve managed to convince ourselves that these things are pipe dreams that belong to other, more special or lucky people than us.
The truth is, nobody is going to hand us permission. Sometimes we have to take the first uncomfortable step and ask for what we want.
A simple exercise I often suggest is to write a list.
Write down everything you want from your life. Don’t edit yourself. Don’t worry whether it sounds daft, or unrealistic or whether someone else would approve of what you want. Include places you’d like to visit, experiences you’d like to have, the relationships you’d like to nurture, the work you’d love to do, and the person you’d like to become.
Your imagination isn’t there to frustrate you. It’s there to show you endless possibilities.
You won’t achieve everything tomorrow. You don’t even have to know exactly how you’ll get there. Just begin with your list.
Pick one thing from it and ask yourself, “What’s the smallest step I could take right now?”
Perhaps it’s sending an email or making a phone call. Applying for that course. Booking your dream holiday, even if it’s not for another three years, that’s OK. Every day you’ll be one step closer.
Start conversations. Ask for help. Seek opportunities. Ask for the pay rise.
You may not always hear “yes.”
But be brave enough to ask, ask, ask!
Because if you never ask, you’ll never know.
Wishing you a long and lovely summer and I’ll be back in September, meanwhile if you have any comments or suggestions for upcoming articles message me at shannon@pathwaysforpositivity.com
Photo: Shutterstock
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