
As Valentine’s Day approaches, many of us naturally turn our thoughts to relationships and love.
It’s a season steeped in romance, with expectations shaped by endless streams of books, films, TV shows, and even social media, all portraying love as the ultimate prize. From the intoxicating first flush of passion and desire to newly engaged couples and ‘happily-ever-after’ marriages, it all seems so perfect—at least from the outside looking in.
As a ‘single pringle’ myself, I understand the beautifully gift-wrapped appeal of coupledom that Valentine’s Day portrays. Being loved, cherished, and desired by someone else can feel deeply intoxicating. Who wouldn’t want that?
The reality isn’t all hearts and flowers though. Relationships are dynamic, and when we rely solely on another person to make us feel whole, happy, or valued, we tie our emotional state to theirs.
If they’re in a good mood, it’s infectious — we’re elated, glowing under their admiring gaze, and everything feels wonderful.
But when they’re having a bad day or going through a rough patch—and their attention naturally shifts away from us—we might find our sense of self-worth sinking alongside them, often without realising it.
This kind of codependency creates an emotional rollercoaster, leaving us vulnerable to the ups and downs of someone else’s life.
On my kitchen cupboard, there’s a postcard that reads, “What if you’re the one you’ve been waiting for?” It’s a reminder that, instead of waiting for someone else to bring you happiness, fulfilment, or validation, you already have the ability to provide those things for yourself. Loving yourself isn’t selfish or egotistical—it’s what helps you stay strong, it’s the little voice inside that cheers you on and always has your best interests at heart.
Focusing inward doesn’t mean closing yourself off to love from others. Instead, it positions you to attract or strengthen relationships that are healthier and more balanced. When you’re grounded in your own worth, you set the tone for how others treat you. You invite respect, kindness, and love because you embody those qualities yourself.
And even when someone else is having a bad day, or isn’t showing up as you’d like, you can maintain your peace because your sense of self isn’t tied to their validation or mood. The relationships you cultivate —romantic, platonic, or familial — can truly enrich your life without defining it.
As Valentine’s Day nears, let’s rethink the idea that love must come from outside ourselves to be meaningful or worthwhile. Look inward. Show yourself the same kindness and compassion you would offer to someone you deeply care about.
And in those moments, that we all experience at times, where your world feels a little less bright, you’ll know there’s always an unwavering source of light and love inside you that isn’t dependant on somebody else.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s stop looking for love in all the wrong places and embrace the love that’s been within us all along.
Shannon Humphrey is a First Aid for Mental Health Instructor and Wellbeing advocate, find out more about her work at www.pathwaysforpositivity.com
Photo: Shutterstock
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