“There’s nothing to get old for” was a phrase I became familiar with as a child.
My loving grandparents would each, in turn, half-jokingly, half-absolutely- deadly-seriously, warn me about the perils of ageing. Aches and pains, brain and body not cooperating on command as it once had, the horror of still feeling mid 40’s but staring back at the reflection of an elderly person, instead of the firm, once unlined, smooth skin, and inquisitive sparkly confidence of youth.
They urged me to cherish my youth and live life to the fullest.
Unfortunately such brilliant advice can really only be appreciated when you’re actually beyond the tenderness of youth and heading at lightning speed yourself to being “more mature” … Because let’s face it, when you’re a sprightly teen or young adult, the last thing you’re going to worry about is a dodgy hip, the cruelty of gravity, or walking into a room and wondering what on earth you’d gone in there to find.
By the time you read this, assuming all goes well, I will have celebrated another birthday. Although it’s not a milestone ending in “0”, I believe every birthday deserves acknowledgement, even if you’re not into big celebrations or making a fuss, you’ve made it over the line. Use it as an excuse, if you need one, to spend time with the people who mean the most to you.
Birthdays can be a bit like New Years Eve, some people love to celebrate and use the date to burst full throttle into the year ahead, while others absolutely hate what it represents, as it can stir up feelings of sadness, loss, worry and apprehension for what’s ahead.
When my friend died in her early 30s, I was shocked and saddened. Our birthdays are 23 days apart and we were the same age. It puts a lot of things into perspective. It was the first time I fully understood my grandparent’s advice about living life to the fullest and enjoying my youth. It was a stark reminder that life can change or end in the next heartbeat.
We think we’ll remember all the pivotal moments, good and bad, but memories fade. So, each birthday, I create a list of everything I’ve been grateful for over the past 12 months. This practice serves as a reminder of the positive experiences I’ve had. It’s not about erasing or suppressing the negative moments, and I’ve certainly had my fair share this year.
Instead, it’s a way to reset and prepare for the year ahead with a positive tailwind.
During future turbulent times, and there will inevitably be more because that’s life, I can look back at my birthday list and remember good times with people I adore, the experiences I had, songs I played on repeat this past year, whatever it might be that made me happy and stands out in my mind. And even though it’s been many years since my wonderful grandparents passed on, they feature every year on my list, for their wit, wisdom, kindness, zest for life and resilience.
Grandma Vi was still baking bread and making jam for the ‘elderly’ neighbours well into her 90’s.
My sister messaged to ask what I wanted for my birthday, (the element of surprise isn’t something we’re big on, we are the former little girls who once unwrapped all our gifts before Christmas day and later tried to hide the evidence…) and I replied with a laughing emoji, “that nothing sprung to mind, although I could probably do with some new tea towels” going on to grumble “so this is what being old must look like” and she replied to say “ life is good, if all you need are tea towels”…
So how old am I? Well, as my grandma would’ve said, “I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth”.
I originally began this column as a one off, I emailed the editor to ask if he’d be interested in a wellbeing piece, it was during covid, I thought an article on keeping body and mind together might be helpful for readers.
I’ve contributed to every issue since. I have no idea where my words land or who reads them.
If you’re a regular reader, you may know that I’m self-employed in the mental health and wellbeing space, working predominantly with schools, businesses and community groups to promote inclusive discussion around topics including, stress, worry, anxiety and more.
I’d love to hear from you, if you have any feedback, or suggestions for future articles or would like to talk to me about the work I do pathwaysforpositivity.com
While you’re here, can we ask a favour?
South Leeds Life is published by a not-for-profit social enterprise. We keep our costs as low as possible but we’ve been hit by increases in the print costs for our monthly newspaper which have doubled in the last two years.
Could you help support local community news by making a one off donation, or even better taking out a supporters subscription?
Donate here, or sign up for a subscription at bit.ly/SLLsubscribe
